A New Reason To Celebrate

The kid that made me a mom for the first time.
The kid that made me a mom for the first time.

One year ago today, I was pregnant with Avery. Only twelve weeks, and already miserable enough to know I had to be carrying another girl. I didn’t blog about that pregnancy, I didn’t put anything in Facebook updates, and I didn’t post any pictures. Generally speaking, I lived every single day of those 39 weeks counting down the seconds until my next nap.

One year ago today.

I know the date because it was Eliott’s 7th birthday. Standard Dadderday, John was taking all the kids to the gym for the morning. He bought tickets to take Eliott and Carter to their first ever movie in a theater (Frozen) which would allow me to take a nap with Isaiah that afternoon. Then we were all going out to eat for Eliott’s birthday dinner. Her choice: Golden Corral (damn you, Saturday morning cartoons and your chocolate fountain commercials). Continue reading

For the Love of Muffins

It feels weird to admit to being really good at something that I don’t love to do. Changing diapers, for example. Not that anyone is competing and not that there’d be an easy way to measure it, but I like to think that when it comes to changing diapers, I am excellent.

Or, laundry. It isn’t so much in the perfect cleanliness of each item after it is removed from a full wash/dry cycle, but I like to think that my laundry habit is nearly excellent. For almost an entire year now, I’ve managed to wash, dry, fold, and put away all of my children’s clothes every Monday, and to wash, dry, and replace all our sheets and towels every other Thursday. (Don’t ask me about my own laundry. There’s a reason I own, no lie, 37 pairs of underwear if you count thongs, which I only do for the sake of laundry avoidance). Continue reading

Making Money on the Internet

Let’s talk about making money on the Internet for a minute. Not because the topic is particularly interesting, but more because I think it is one of those things that the majority of the Internet using world is largely uniformed or misinformed about.

Since I started writing TheUntertoad over three years ago, I’ve been asked more than once, “Do you make money on your blog?”

The answer is no. Part B of that answer is, “…and I probably never will.”

I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity if it knocked on my door, but right now, I am not even attempting to make money with this blog. And here’s why. Continue reading

A Disjointed List of Noteworthy Thoughts

  1. Whenever someone types “LOL” in a text, I actually imagine them in some quiet waiting room or in line at the grocery store giving a hearty belly laugh at some inane comment -hardly worthy of a belly laugh- I just made. Not ironically, some of the biggest proponents for typing LOL, I’m quite certain, have never actually laughed, out loud, in front of me, ever. Once, I sat down and actually attempted to laugh out loud at every single Facebook status that prompted me to do so with this friendly little three letter reminder. It was difficult and awkward at first, but once I got going, I admit, it became pretty amusing.
    All this said, how, I ask you, has LOL survived so long? Instead, I propose creating Internet shorthand for any of the following and more realistic than laughing out loud responses: smirking; half-smile; slight snort with a half-smile; small-gasp in through my nose (extended sniff?); smile without teeth; smile with teeth.
    Anyone? Just me?
  2. Though I don’t watch a lot of daytime TV, I do try to catch a little of CBS This Morning a few days a week. Therefore, I see more than my share of local legal commercials. And as a good work-from-home partner of one such local attorney, I find myself interested in those who are big enough to afford a dozen television commercials in a two-hour period. Anyone seen the daytime commercial for Candice Apple and Associates (the self-titled Social Security Disability Experts)? Thought she was an attorney, as does everyone who sees the commercial, I imagine. Turns out she’s not. She formerly worked for the Social Security Administration and was once a paralegal, and now she sells herself as providing social security disability “representation.” No formal legal education, degree, nothing. Amazing.
  3. Red Delicious Apples: best marketing ploy ever. I have a feeling the guy who first grew these so named them because he knew there was really no other way to make people eat them.
  4. The old ladies who gather in the lobby of the YMCA are mostly having teenage-girl-conversations with each other, despite their age, wisdom, collective-life-experience. I can’t decide whether I’m encouraged or discouraged by this. Maybe a little bit of both.
  5. At 3:08pm every day on the way to carline, I hear this commercial: “Support for NPR comes from Novo Nordisk, who notes that two-thirds of people living with diabetes live in cities. Novo Nordisk is committed to changing this statistic.” Every time I hear it I picture an a mass diabetic exodus from high rises in some place like New York City to a farm in Minnesota. I’m not sure what it is about the country life that is so healthy for diabetics, but thank God Novo Nordisk is committed to getting them there.
  6. There is a woman on a local Facebook garage-sale page who has been trying, unsuccessfully, for the last two years, to re-sell something like seventeen pairs of used socks. She “bumps” the picture and the post about once every three weeks, meaning, she comments on it to move it to the top of the page. Does she know about an impending sock puppet craze making a huge comeback?

New Year’s Resolution Idea #1

Ahh, New Year’s Resolutions.

Sorry. I like them. And while I know many people make the same resolutions year after year, and fail year after year, I’m one of those people who makes just one resolution and usually keeps it. Perhaps I’m setting my sights too low. Perhaps I know exactly what I can accomplish. Continue reading

2015 New Year’s Resolutions?

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Let’s be honest. New Year’s Day, for all intents and purposes, is a recovery day from that New Year’s Eve party with the carmel flavored vodka shots. And this year, because it fell on a Thursday, meant that Friday was that weird day that basically nothing got done at work.

For me, when the company left, the refrigerator was sparse, the laundry pile was high, and the bathrooms were starting to itch. Saturday and Sunday were spent catching up on all the chores I ignored over the long holiday, and finally de-Christmasing the house. Continue reading

The Undertoad

I started this blog more than three years ago, when we first moved to our quaint little suburb of Winston-Salem. I had recently been through an abrupt job change from full time (and mostly respected on an intellectual level) professional to full time home-maker.

I used to sort of hate all those titles: stay at home mom, home-maker, housewife, etc.

“Housewife” to me, now, sounds very much like “house cat,” which conjures a picture of a clean white robe, slippered feet, and someone filling my food-bowl twice a day, while I have little more to do than to move from one piece of furniture to another striving for optimal napping conditions. Maybe I’ll lick a paw. Maybe I’ll claw at my scratching post. But mostly I’ll lounge until my owners come home, and then resent the fact that I have to share my space with them. Continue reading