Parenting – The UnderToad

Washington DC by Scooter

I might not get around to posting about our entire short but packed weekend trip to Washington DC with all four kids. (I will try because it was actually fantastic in so many surprising ways.) What I want to talk about today, though, is the best last minute decision we made.

Touring the monuments via scooter. Yes. I said scooter.

If you live in a city that has not yet adopted the shared scooter trend, then you have not been subjected to downtown sidewalks virtually littered with these black and white, sometimes green, and sometimes pink, electric stand-up scooters. If you had been on the National Mall on Tuesday morning, however, and seen my entire family, doubled-up two-by-two, cruising around like freak tourists, you might have felt a pang of jealousy that this wasn’t you.

And rightly so, because it was exactly as fun as it looked. And because more than one person tried to ask us (as we whizzed by) where to get one, it seemed appropriate to write up a quick how-to on this whole thing.

The distance between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial is just under a mile. For an average adult, this is a brisk 15 minute walk. For a family with four kids, this is a nightmare. Even just walking the National Mall (with all the Smithsonian museums) is a hefty order for a 5 year old, who, by the way, handled it like a super hero.

No matter where you are in DC, you will have daily views of the giant pencil and maybe also Lincoln and Jefferson’s mansion-like monuments. Seeing them up close is pretty amazing, but John and I originally decided, not ultimately worth the work.

Until….

There are a couple different scooter companies you will see represented in and around DC, evidenced simply by the scooters themselves next to buildings, lying on sidewalks, shoved in doorways, or discarded on random patches of grass. How do they work? Well, locate a scooter, snag it, unlock and pay for it with an app, and then when you are done, leave it for someone else.

Had we planned it a little better, we could have saved quite a bit of time and a little bit of money by figuring all this out in advance. So here is my gift to you.

Step One: Download the Shared Scooter Apps

There were a couple different brands of scooters that we saw most often around the city. My advice is to have the app for as many scooter companies as possible, because you never know what will be available near you. Here are the most common:

LYFT – use this link for $5 in ride credit upon sign up. Enter the promo code LYFTSTER18 for another $5 toward two more rides.
BIRD – Use promo code VKQRAEO for a free ride.
LIME – Use this link to get $3 off your first ride.
SKIP – No promo codes.

For my local readers, Lime is all over North Carolina, including Winston-Salem, Greensboro, the Triangle, and Charlotte. Bird is also available in downtown Winston.

Also, there are some rules. When you first sign up, many of these apps will require you to put in your driver’s license (by scanning the barcode on the back). I assume this is both to prove you are 18 years old and because these are technically “vehicles” which drive on the road and are subjected to traffic laws. I think the enforcement of these laws will depend on the city in which you use the scooter, but in DC, shared scooter savvy seemed very relaxed. They might also say you must wear a helmet, but again, look around. No one is really wearing helmets on them.

Step Two: Find a Scooter & Scan to Unlock

If you see a scooter lying on the ground, as long as no one has locked it (to reserve it while they run inside somewhere) you can just snag it. Otherwise, every single app has a scooter locator built in to help you find available scooters. If the locator shows a scooter is somewhere close to a building but you don’t see it, odds are, someone has brought it inside the building to save it without paying. If it is evening, they might also be getting paid to charge it.

Once you’ve got a scooter, the app is pretty easy to use. Just follow the directions on your screen to unlock it. To ride, kick off and use the right handle bar to get the motor going. The brakes are on the left handle bar. The mechanics are a little different on each scooter but all are equally simple. My 9 year old figured it out on her own. When you are finished riding, you hit “end your ride” and take a picture of the scooter.

Some Nuts and Bolts

COST: all scooters are pretty much $1 to unlock and then $0.15 a minute to ride. To break it down for cost benefit analysis, just think, you are renting the thing for $9 an hour. Totally worth it for touring the monuments with 4 kids and avoiding the metro, Ubers, or walking so much.

WARNING: One thing we learned is that the scooter apps will drain your phone battery pretty quickly. We avoided this by doing a hard shut down of the app once we had unlocked the scooter.

Our Shared Scooter Monument Tour

We ended up getting three scooters and doubling up on them, which was as adorable as it was illegal. We had to use two different brands of scooters in order to reserve three. I rode with Carter in the back of the line, John had Avery up at the front, and Eliott doubled with Isaiah in the middle. It was hilarious. Lots of pointing, laughing, smiles, and questions of “Where do we get those?”

Nothing less than the circus we usually are in public, and so much fun. Doubling up. Kids on scooters. Maybe not entirely allowed, but hard to know. Will leave these questions for another day.

It was a brisk but sunny morning, and I’m glad I made all the kids grab their jackets. We left from our hotel (the Homewood Suites by Hilton, on “M” street) and cruised down by the Capitol, out to the Washington Monument, all the way past the Holocaust Memorial, and out to the Lincoln Memorial. Also, though a break from walking, electric scootering is a bit of a surprising work out. We were all pretty tired when we got in the car to leave.

As you can see on this map, it would have been nearly a 2 hour walk. Along the route, we had fantastic views of the Capitol and the Supreme Court, one amazing shot of the White House from a distance, and of course we rode through one part of the National Mall, with all the Smithsonian Museums, which we had walked the entire length of on our first day. One thing I will note is that I do not believe you are allowed to leave scooters on the National Mall. None can be found lying around there, and if you try to end your ride and lock your scooter on the Mall, it will say you are “outside the approved zone” and will charge you $25 extra.

This was our final morning in DC and we accomplished all of this before check-out. From start to finish it was a little more than a hour, and we spent about $10 per scooter. Maybe the best $30 we spent in DC all weekend. Seriously.

The shared-scooter craze is relatively new and many people have not jumped on it yet. If there is anything I can encourage you to do, it would be to plan part of your Washington DC sightseeing via scooter.

To get a more up close and personal experience of the ride itself, I, of course, took a couple videos. View them here. Quick note: I was riding with Carter who was panicking for most of the ride, just positive we were going to wreck or fall off. This, in and of itself, was half of my fun that morning. In the first video, when she discovered I was filming, she promptly grabbed the brake and brought us to an almost complete stop.

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Confessions, House Management, Parenting

Pumpkin Bread

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Morning-Time Sanity Savers

Kids are back in school full swing, pumpkin spice coffee and donuts have officially been released (and given away free), and Saturday we watched Duke eek out a win against Baylor. A little more than my Baylor Line jersey reminding me of 1999, and it was fan-tastic, you guys.

I also (finally) got my Fall garden in, a little late, and again, with fingers crossed that something actually grows. North Carolina is notorious for one amazing September week of crisp Fall weather, followed by one or two weeks of hurricane season rains, and then, blammo, it’s winter.

But this year is looking up.

And I am looking inward.

At the scary dark places of my house that are hiding hoards of stuff that just needs to go.

I’m in clean-out mode like I haven’t felt since pregnancy, and it has me itching to up my efficiency game.

Remember my magic muffins post from 2015?

2015 was the season for hearty muffins. This gave way to the hearty pancake season of 2016.

And now? I’m in breakfast bread mode.

[clickToTweet tweet=”I’m gravitating away from high-prep tedious clean up to high efficiency, high yield food. ” quote=”I swear I don’t plan these things, but I’m gravitating away from high-prep, tedious clean up to high-efficiency, high-yield food. ” theme=”style6″]

You know I’m a ~~slacker~~ ~~sucker~~ advocate for sleeping-in, so much so, that last year my girls ate breakfast and lunch at school every day, and many days of the week I didn’t even see them off to the school bus.

Hashtag parent hacks, hashtag winning.

Well, after much complaint from one kid about cafeteria lunches and the other kid about cafeteria breakfasts, I concluded that I could (and should) probably be able to handle the task of feeding all four of my children. Daily. Three times a day. Plus snacks.

You know. Because I am a stay at home mom after all.

Listen. It’s really hard. It’s really hard to keep food in the mouths of what often feels like four baby birds, forever with mouths open, cheeping for more food. It was hard all summer and guess what? It’s still hard.

So I’m forever on a quest to make it easier. (I’m forever on quests, period, but especially quests of life ease.)

Stick with me here.

easy pumpkin bread — The easiest yummiest breakfast or snack yet.

Breakfast breads. Pumpkin bread. Banana bread. Dreams of zucchini-straight-from-my-garden that has become zucchini-from-the-grocery-store-because-I-grew-exactly-one-zucchini-total-this-year bread.

I know what you are thinking. Doesn’t that have a lot of sugar and fat? I thought you didn’t eat anything you wanted even though you can, you skinny….

No but seriously, you know I tweaked it to make this stuff healthy. Healthy-er. Healthy-ish.

Basically, this is an all-in-one meal that will perk me up in the morning, not give me a headache, and keep me and my kids full until our ten o’clock mandatory-no-matter-what-we-had-for-breakfast morning snack. It is a little sweat, a little nutty, and a lot hearty. And if it isn’t sweet enough, no shame in smearing it with some butter and honey, or sprinkling a little extra cinnamon sugar on top. I won’t tell.

My kids love it so much, I feed it to them again when they get off the school bus, with a Cutie, outside, and make them compost the peels.

You should know by now that when it comes to cooking, I rarely use recipes. Also, I kind of fabricate measurements, so, in the recipe below, hold me to exactly nothing if yours doesn’t turn out. Generally speaking, when it comes to measurements, I eyeball everything, which is why I had to hold my tongue in Eliott’s 5th grade classroom while her teacher gave a lesson about “things that cannot be estimated” last Monday.

It turns out she is not lying when she says she does not bake.

Anyway, I said I was upping my efficiency game, and I wasn’t lying. I decided to go ahead and make several loaves at once, and I’ve documented the process for your enjoyment. You will notice that instead of one big bowl, I actually went ahead and used four different bowls.

The thing about doubling or tripling recipes is that it is even harder to figure out how much of everything should go in, when I don’t even measure in the first place. So though it goes slightly against efficiency mode, this time I went ahead and just made 4 separate batches. I do have a plethora of loaf pans, however, and so all of them were baked simultaneously. Also, I ended up with some leftover batter, with which I made pancakes.

Waste not, want not.

Ingredients

2c. flour
2c. oatmeal
½c. sugar (white or brown or both)
¼c. ground flax seeds
¼c. wheat germ
1t. baking powder
1t. baking soda
½t. cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, and/or allspice
2c. milk
2 eggs
¾c. pumpkin, banana, or zucchini purée
1t. vanilla extract

Optional add-ins: any chopped nuts, pumpkin seeds, raisins, chocolate chips, coconut flakes, fresh apple chunks, poppy seeds, chia seeds.

Optional subs: any non-dairy milk substitute; any gluten-free flour alternatives; any other squash family (or similar) purée.

Directions

Preheat oven to 350°

1. Mix dry ingredients.

Mix dry ingredients first. — Like my bowls? They’re 60% off on Amazon right now!

2. Mix wet ingredients into the dry ingredients.

Blending zucchini and milk. — I blend zucchini with milk in the Ninja first.

3. Stir until well blended but don’t over stir.

pumpkin bread batter — Pumpkin bread on left; zucchini bread on right.

4. Fill prepared loaf pans.

how to prep loaf pans — Prepped pans with parchment paper and well-greased sides makes for easy removal and cleanup.

5. Bake until knife comes out clean (about 55 min for large loaf pans, 45 min for small).

baking pumpkin bread — Let the smell of fresh baked bread fill your entire kitchen.

The UnderToad’s Kitchen Efficiency Tips

Get out all ingredients first and put each away after adding it. This keeps me on track for what I’ve used, you know, since I go sans recipe.
Prep loaf pans with a piece of parchment paper on the bottom, and well greased sides only (I used coconut oil but any kind of oil, lard, or butter works.
Allow bread to almost completely cool before removing from pan. Just slide a knife around all four sides and the bread should pop right out, with a nice parchment paper base easy for sliding in and out of the gallon ziplock I used to freeze extras.

pots and pans cleanup — Did I say easy cleanup? Just kidding.

No but seriously.

Enjoy. Enjoy that extra 10 minutes of sleep tomorrow morning. Enjoy that minute your kids burst through the front door and declare they are starving this afternoon. Enjoy that cup of coffee tomorrow at 10am, when you realize you haven’t had anything to eat yet.

Maybe your kids don’t need pumpkin bread. But you need pumpkin bread.

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House Management, Parenting

Summer Survival: 5 Ideas to Save Your Time and Sanity

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure here.

We’ve just wrapped up the first month of summer vacation and a lot is going on around here.

Like every summer, I realized within the first week that I could easily spend the majority of my day planning, prepping, executing, and cleaning up meals and snacks. (What is with the child-brain connection between boredom and hunger, huh?)

My summer survival basically revolves around four imperatives: keeping kids fed, entertained, and active enough to be tired at night, and keeping my house functionally tidy. If you are a mother of even two children you know that the food situation during the summer is easily the stupidest and most surprising struggle of them all. Like, I could be in the kitchen all day long and still hear, “Mommy we’re hungry,” at least six times a day if I don’t wrangle this beast to the ground, quick. Can I get an amen?

I very quickly decided that if I could minimize the amount of time I spend on the first two, above, I could actually maximize all four. You can tell from how often I’m posting just how well I’m doing on the mom-freedom part. But I’m not complaining, actually. The days are long, the crock pot is plugged in more often than not, and we truly are getting the most of this season of free Vitamin D.

And for the first time all year, I’ve felt pretty good.

Get excited.

I’m about to share with you some pretty genius things I’ve done over the last few weeks that have infinitely improved my daily life with four children who are home from school.

And so, in no particular order, I give you an organic list of ideas that can be applied immediately (or with minimal prep) and adapted to various ages. I’m sure many of these were in some way originally stolen from Pinterest or an education class at Baylor. Whatever. Here’s what’s working in my house. You’re welcome.

1. Schedule Chart w/ Chores and Treat

I picked up this hanging schedule chart from the Carson Dellosa Warehouse Sale for about $5 last May, and the first day I brought it out to use it was a game-changer. No more asking what we are doing or what we are having for lunch, dinner, etc. This was huge.

It wasn’t until a couple of days later that I added the Chores/Treat section to the bottom of the chart. A friend randomly mentioned that when she started putting “Ice Cream for Dessert” on her calendar, once a week, her child stopped asking every single day when was the next time they’d get to have ice cream.

It worked the same on my kids.

So, for summer, we do dessert every single night, which is a little different from the rest of the year. It is both a behavioral incentive and something to look forward to. I make them do all the chores of the day before dinner (usually right before) which includes picking up the house. If they get them done early, they get to watch TV. We are currently electronic-free with our kids, and they get only very limited TV. Putting it at the end of the day ensures that I get a break when I am the most ready for it.

This little chart alone has vastly improved imperatives 1 and 4. It also has helped me to relax for most of the day (about the messes all over the house) because I know by dinner time, things will be back in place and settled down.

2. Sticker Charts

Activity Sticker Chart Made on Microsoft Word

If I had known that this was all Avery needed as incentive to use the potty, I might have tried it last Christmas. The funny thing is, I didn’t even promise a prize for filling the thing up (to any of the kids). I just posted them on various walls in the house and started rewarding them with stickers.

Amazing how well it has kept all four on track to accomplishing one thing or another. (For Avery, it even worked when we traveled to my parents’ house in TN and she was afraid to use a foreign toilet.)

I created those JUNE sticker charts for Eliott and Carter kind of loosely. I wasn’t really sure how much was going to be possible, and I kept the expectations pretty low. The best part was that I basically allowed them to choose their own adventure. For the most part, everything on the chart (with the exception of cooking) was something educational and independent. They actually have really stuck with keeping up and making plans to accomplish things. This was no surprise for Eliott, who is motivated by check-lists and goal-setting. But it has been a very pleasant surprise with Carter, who could not care less about all things school. She’s been getting up the earliest all summer and reading chapter books without prompting.

3. Paper Plate Assembly Line Meals

Say what you will for the environment, I reduce, reuse, and recycle better than most. Also I compost. But sometimes I have to revert to Mama-Survival-Mode, and there’s really nothing better than having at least one meal a day where dishes are the least of my worries.

Another meal tip: produce is cheap right now, so my fridge is stocked with containers of ready-to-eat everything, including pineapple, cantaloupe, watermelon, berries, grapes, cucumbers, green peppers, and baby carrots. I am not a “snack-drawer” mom who lets my kids eat all day from a pre-arranged area of mostly healthy foods. That is totally cool if you are, I simply am not. But I have adapted this exact idea by keeping easy snack foods handy, and simply controlling when and where my kids get to eat them.

4. Quiet Time with Melty-Beads and Audio Books

I hope you played with Perler Beads as a kid. These things are the best in so many ways. Even my preschooler can be entertained by them for an hour at the minimum, but usually longer. I invested in a pretty good starter set from Amazon, years ago, and we’ve added to it slowly as I find smaller sets, usually on clearance. When Avery goes down for a nap, this is a favorite activity. I put them all at the kitchen table and then pop an audio book into the CD player. We’re currently listening to The Chronicles of Narnia.

5. New Chores

This kid cannot wait to use the lawnmower.

Call me crazy, but anytime I make a significant schedule or life-change, I really prefer to do it in the summer time. Summer offers the most forgiveness for kids (and Mom) adjusting to something new. I know you aren’t surprised to hear that more often than not, I’m pretty resistant to change. I hated the dropping of the nap for my first 3 kids. I was naturally reluctant to push bedtime back for my big girls. And I’m never really sure when is the right time to introduce new responsibilities.

It turns out, I haven’t discovered a wrong time to do it.

If there is one thing that cannot be denied in my house, it is that all four of my children cannot wait to be grown-ups.

Though it is a bit sloppy, both my 8 and 10 year olds have been folding laundry for at least a year, a task Carter surprised me with (at 7) one day when she snuck upstairs and did it all without prompting. Isaiah has been taught how to unload anything in the dishwasher he can reach to put away. And yes, this means the silverware drawer isn’t pretty, but the forks are with the forks and the spoons are with the spoons, and I didn’t have to do it.

That’s why, this summer, I’ve decided that any job that needs to be done, I’m going to see if a kid can do it. One of these new responsibilities was allowing my 10 year old to cook. Last winter (when she was still 9) I taught her what I would consider a very important kitchen survival skill: browning ground beef. As a result, she can now fully prepare chili and tacos, and almost fully prepare spaghetti and other pasta dishes.

People. This is huge.

As the days grew increasingly hotter, I sort of let the grass get a little out of control, until one day I had just had enough. At 4:30pm, I went outside with Isaiah and told Eliott she was in charge of keeping Avery inside, and making dinner.

And you know that because I wasn’t in there hovering, she actually managed both, pretty wonderfully.

I had allowed her to brown the meat and prep black beans for tacos at lunch time (under my lazy hands-off supervision), which were staying warm in the crock-pot. She got an entire dinner on the table and nobody complained.

The independence and pride alone made it worth it for Eliott. I’m not sure how long this time will last, but I figure if we keep going with a pretty lax attitude toward the perfection of things, eventually our kids will get better at these life skills. Crossing my fingers they also continue to actually enjoy doing them.

So that’s it for now. Please keep in mind that every day isn’t a picture perfect as I paint it on social media, but on the whole, it becomes increasingly easier to enjoy my kids as they get older. I hope you can use and adapt some of these ideas with your kids.

If you have any ideas to add, or would like a template of the big kid sticker chart above, leave me a comment below and I’ll email you the document.

Parenting

30 Activities to Keep Kids Busy for Summer

If you are anything like me, the beginning of May marks the beginning of the end. Summer is just around the corner, which means full-time kid duty from sun up until sun down. Of course, there is something oddly freeing about the break from early wake-ups and carline during afternoon naps. But after that first week of transition, I know from experience that without a basic summer plan, my kids and I will be eating each other alive, daily, before lunch.

The summer I had a rising 2nd grade daughter, a rising kindergarten daughter, and an 18 month old son at home was the first time I really sat down to plan out our summer. The age span was such that one required a daily nap, one wasn’t quite old enough to go to many summer camps, and one was a little too old to be stuck inside all day entertaining her younger siblings.

At that time, I did not consider myself a super crafty person. I did not exactly enjoy inviting my children into the kitchen and teaching them the art of chopping and mixing. I was not a huge fan of stained clothes, mud (in general), or any art activity that might require a smock. It might not come as a huge surprise to hear that I’ve never really been the mom who likes to roll up my sleeves and get on the floor with my kids to do puzzles and play with blocks. I’ve always considered myself a facilitator of fun, but by no means do I double as a playmate. It just isn’t my style.
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However. I know for a fact that I could not simply point my kids in the direction of the play room for an entire summer and expect them to stay busy. This is why I came up with a list of ideas and activities that are relatively easy to pull off, minimally messy, and adapt to a wide range of ages. Oh, and some of them I also enjoy.

Around here, we live and die by a schedule. It isn’t a super-rigid schedule, but the predictability of each day is the only method of survival in my genetically bred type-A family. Certainly there are weeks that break up the monotony of long summer days (vacations, visitors, camps, etc.), but in general, this is my approach to surviving summer with kids.

This list is always a work in progress, and I like to update it as I find things that make my life easier. Whether organizational, educational, just-for-fun, ongoing, or one-and-done, the following is my summer survival list. By all means, feel free to steal any (or all) of the ideas below and incorporate them into your summer plans.

At Home Activities

Daily Activity List: I created the categories myself and simply made this using my computer, some construction paper, a piece of poster board, and the laminating machine at my local “Smart Start” (an educational resource center for preschool parents). I used Velcro Sticky Back Tape (from CVS) so the categories can be changed daily. Note: some cards left blank to add ideas. *Could also be used as a chore chart.
Total prep time: 3 hours.
Approximate cost: $5

DIY Daily Schedule Board with Velcro
Wet Erase Calendar: I actually use the back of the activity chart for this so it is already laminated and use Vis a Vis markers to fill it in each month. This helps us keep track the big away-from-home activities coming up. I do not make this calendar very detailed.
DIY Wet Erase Calendar
Reading Corner: get a basket of books and some oversized pillows, throw them in a sunny corner, and suddenly my children are excited to read every day. We do “D.E.A.R.” 1-2 times a day for 20-30 minutes when we’re home. Sometimes I read to them. Sometimes I silently read my own book alongside them.
Summer Reading Incentives: several national chains offer summer reading incentive programs for elementary school kids. You can easily Google the following to find more information. My list so far includes: Chuck E. Cheese (10 free tokens), Barnes and Noble (free book), Scholastic (online), Junie B. Jones Reading Club (online), Sylvan Book Adventure, Pottery Barn, Book-It Summer Reading Challenge, and the local library. If you are in Winston-Salem, also check out the Bookmarks summer reading program which ends with a huge book festival in September.
Creative Writing / Journaling / Art Journaling: Using a simple (age appropriate) composition notebook, some glue, and any collage material we have laying around, we create unique journal covers and then spend time each week writing, painting, and gluing, in them. Again, this is an activity I actually enjoy doing with my kids.
Total Prep Time: 1 hour
Approximate Cost: < $5
Just Dance Kids: If you don’t have a Wii or another gaming device – you can find Just Dance Kids videos on YouTube and play them on your computer or stream them through something like Apple TV for your kids to follow. They won’t be scored, but mine will do this for an hour now that I’ve taught them how to navigate the iPhone through the TV. It is fun and a relatively compact physical activity. Great for rainy days!
Plant a Container Garden: Though the initial planting is a one-time activity, gardening in general is one of those cool things that my children stay excited about all summer. From feeding and watering the plants, to picking and eating the veggies we grow, this is a relatively simple and inexpensive activity that pays off in the long run.
North Carolina Container Garden
Water Table: I seriously found ours at a thrift store for under $3. I tend to sort of collect toys here and there and have found that rotating toys in and out has kept my child interested in this activity.
Water Table for Toddlers
Big Bubbles: 6c. water + 1/2c. Dawn Dish Soap + 1/2c. corn starch + 1T. baking powder + 1T. glycerine (you can find this in most drug stores in the first aid section or possibly the ethnic hair section).
Sidewalk Chalk/Paint: make your own using 1/8c. corn starch + 1/8c. baby shampoo + 1t. water + food coloring. Add water to make it runnier, add corn starch to make it thicker. Play with colors.
Yoga: I got my kids their own yoga mats for $5 each at a store called “Five and Below.” Sometimes I lead them in a routine, other times I check out kids yoga DVD’s at the library and let them do that. This is a great inside or outside activity and they love it.
At-Home Manicures and Pedicures
Play Doh: whether you buy it at Walmart or make your own, Play Doh is one of those things that I finally gave in to, and realized it is one of the better things I have given in to. I usually try to rotate out the toys somewhat regularly, but it is easy to find “new” tools, cookie cutters, and other fun things to use at thrift stores or simply lying around the house. Bonus idea: add lavender oil to homemade play-doh for a “calming” sensory activity.
Bean Bag Toss Games or Corn-Hole
Make a Ski-Ball Board
PVC Pipe Sprinkler: You could probably Google for more exact instructions but the basic idea here is to attach PVC pipe with holes in it to your existing swing set (using zip ties) and connect the hose. See photos below.
Materials: PVC pipe; drill with 1/16 drill bit; zip ties; swing set; hose & water
Prep Time: 2 hours
Total Cost: less than $7! (PVC pipe is very inexpensive)

PVC Pipe Sprinkler

Away From Home Activities

Download Audio Books for the Car: I like the Overdrive App which allows us to check out audio books for free from our library, but if you don’t like waiting, check out Audible, where you can often find free or $0.99 downloads.
Visit a Local Park or Spray Park/Splash Pad: click here for a list of new Winston-Salem splash pads.
Splash Pad in Eastern Tennessee
Go to the Pool: click here for a list of Winston-Salem pools.
Go to the Gym: if you have not yet considered it, now is a great time to join a local gym. For me, this is more than just an exercise outlet. It means up to 2.5 hours of childcare and a chance to connect socially with friends, away from our kids. We belong to the YMCA, so there are child and family friendly activities all year long, and also a variety of sports and summer camps. A gym membership is a must in our family budget.
Go to the Library: Forsyth County has a fantastic summer reading program, and each library has an entire calendar of free events happening all summer long. Check your local library to see what they offer for kids in the summer where you live.
Vacation Bible School: I happen to live in the Bible belt, so there are a number of different churches doing VBS during different weeks. Some in the morning and some are in the evening. All are free and many take kids as young as 4 years old.
Day Camps: My town offers everything from dance to drama and sports to legos. If you haven’t enrolled your children in extra-curricular activities during the school year, summer camps are a great way to find what your kids really like. In addition to the many private dance, art, and music academies, our local YMCA, several schools in the area, and even some churches offer a variety of thematic day camps for a variety of ages and many at very reasonable prices.
Free Bowling: Try Kids Bowl Free or AMF Summer Bowling.
Cheap or Free Summer Movies: See free or cheap summer movies in North Carolina or free or cheap summer movies nationally.
Home Depot Workshops: offered all year, actually, these workshops are offered on Saturday’s and everything is free. Most activities are appropriate for kids aged 4 and up.
Michael’s Craft Club
Go to the Zoo
Go to a Children’s Museum
Visit Local State and National Parks

Hanging Rock State Park, North Carolina
Camp Out in the Back Yard
Have a Picnic

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Confessions, Marriage, Parenting

Things We Don’t Talk About

It was a Thursday morning, a little over a month ago; I woke up in a bad mood.

It was probably a combination of several days’ poor sleep catching up with me, and possibly a little PMS in there. But I was irritable and no longer even tapping into my patience reserves, which had long since been used up.

When I got into the shower and saw that the razor was not in its usual cradle, I snapped.

(Yes. John and I share a razor. We also share toothpaste, deodorant, and for the last month, stupidly, a hair product that he has decided he likes and also needs. This post isn’t about providing solutions to our mostly common roommate issues; the bathroom situation is what it is and merely provides a background to the story. In short, please refrain from mentioning that separate razors might solve our marital issues.)

It’s stupid. Really. Something like this happens maybe once a month. Something we take for granted, like returning an object back to where it goes, suddenly becomes the impetus for blind rage.

I was really angry about that razor.

And that kind of anger, for me, burns in a way that I cannot stew on and let out later. I’m not wired that way. I try to hold grudges, and I’m the only one who suffers before I forget why I’m mad. Except, when I’m that angry, my kids also suffer, which isn’t fair. It’s not fair to John either, but somehow I feel justified in his size and maturity, that he can handle it, and it is better to take it out on him than eat an innocent child alive, for something as forgivable as throwing matchbox cars down the stairs into the back of his sister’s unknowing head. (This might have also contributed to my difficult day.)

I’ve mentioned before the way I used to call John on his way to work, when I wake up like this, fuming and cursing and spitting and sometimes crying over things like toothpaste and razors. When he stopped answering his phone before 10am (expecting wrath), I switched to angry G-chat messages that would be waiting for him on his desktop the minute he sat down to work. What a way to start the day.

It is 2016. You know I am finally up to date on my tech habits. G-chat has given way to angry texting. Because if there’s anything that soothes my anger as immediately as a shot of whiskey, it is typing curse words into small handheld devices, announcing my bad mood to the one human who probably needs to hear it the least.

I’m not proud of this. (Hence the title of my post.) And every time I do it, a little Jiminy Cricket inside me reminds me that this isn’t edifying. This isn’t blessing. This is straight up crazy-bitch behavior and if anyone at church or in the neighborhood was truly aware of it, we might receive fewer invites to BBQ’s and more invites for prayer.

Yet. Somehow the devil inside me always wins.

The text went a little something like this: “Would it kill you to put the stupid razor back in the shower, even one time?” (Add some creative cursing in there, because I don’t sensor myself with John and I keep all my -ing’s intact.)

Wife of the year here.

A reply came when I arrived at the gym, not from John, but from a friend whose name also begins with a “J” – to whom the text was inadvertently sent.

She wrote: “Hahahaa. Yes. Yes it would,” followed by a series of kiss blowing emojis.

I laughed.

Then I cried. Like two forgotten faucets, right there in the parking lot of the Jerry Long YMCA, tears, streaming.

Not tears of embarrassment or even deep seeded shame, which I should have had.

Tears of relief.

John and I are a good team. We are maybe even a rare form of outstanding, when it comes to this game of doing life together. Much of this is due to the fact that no one else on the planet could stand to be with either of us for so long, so by default, we have to stick together. But, truly, we work a lot harder than it looks like we do, to make us work.

I was extended a big fat arm of grace that Thursday, and I wish I could say it catapulted us into a really great weekend full of family time and love, complete with appreciation for each other and physical displays of affection, and a rare bit of extra patience for our children.

It’s just not true.

Though we both laughed pretty hard, together, about the text mix-up, the days following were by no means good.

And I frequently wonder how many people would be surprised by this.

This marriage thing? This long-term living-together-relationship thing? It’s work.

It’s a lot of work. It is ever-evolving, and even when we plateau to complacency, it doesn’t always last long. We struggle a lot more often than we let on. And when we are struggling, we say mean and hateful things. And we yell at each other (me more than John). And sometimes we fight in front of our kids. And sometimes we unfairly fight with our kids.

But here’s what we don’t do. We don’t stop fighting because we are too tired. We don’t get passive aggressive or sullen, and punish each other silently. We fight until we get it out. And we don’t stop admitting to each other when we are wrong. And we apologize a lot. We’ve been known to have one or more “restarts” to a day or a weekend.

I’m not saying we’re the poster children for marital bliss.

I feel like I got a restart that Thursday and I missed a great opportunity. At the peak of a stressful week, I let a little thing get the better of me, and I lost a stupid battle with a petty problem. Because I’m human. And I’m weak.

I’m just glad I have another human who chooses to love me despite this weakness.

So John gets home today, from a weeklong Canada fishing trip he’s been on with my father. This same trip two years ago was easily the worst week of my summer. This time was much different. It has been a great week of connecting with my kids, relying on Eliott and Carter for a little more help and patience, and purposefully scheduling a lot more playtime. It was a completely different dynamic and a totally different balance, and I didn’t just survive. I enjoyed it.

Don’t get me wrong. I couldn’t be more ready for John to come home. But the break was healthy.

Goals, Parenting, Self-Help

2016: Hooray!

It is the first Sunday of the New Year. You know what this means.

A clean calendar. A new planner. A renewed sense of energy for tackling my mundane stay-at-home-mom first world problem projects!

I’m organizing.

I just like to organize, organizing’s my favorite.

But first, a little review.

Top Three for 2015:

The number one best part of this year has been my private celebration of the end of pregnancy and nursing. Even though we knew Avery was the final lego to come down my personal baby factory assembly line, I wasn’t sure how I would actually respond to closing this chapter of my life forever. Turns out, it came with an overwhelmingly positive sense of relief. John and I both agree that our friendship and connectedness has never been better, which I’m also happy to say has been an unintended byproduct of something neither of us was actively working on.

The second best part of 2015 didn’t technically begin this year, but certainly steadily rose on my gratitude scale, and that is living in our current neighborhood. I don’t really need to write it here to let the Rustinburg Rowdies know how much I love them, because I feel like it is said and implied by all of us every time we hang out (and possibly more frequently on group texts filled with bitmojis). I actually mentioned the current strength of my marriage in church this morning, and it was weird to admit it had very little to do with the current state of my spiritual life, but almost everything to do with our social life. And our social life is currently hinged on a rickedy little picket gate connecting my back yard to Rustinburg Road.

The third best part of 2015 has been our transition to public school. You can only imagine the kind of discussion that ensues between two highly nerdy former school teachers when it comes to the education of our spawn. Sending our firstborn to kindergarten was a decision that was not taken lightly. As it became increasingly obvious that our original decision was not working in the best interest of our children, it was pretty stressful. I’m not writing here to say that public school in Clemmons, North Carolina has been the academic experience of a lifetime and one that we have no complaints about. But I am saying this: I’m not sure our children have been socially healthier than they are right now, and for that, I’ll take a potentially inferior academic milieu.

2015 Regrets and Non-Accomplishments:

I only read 17 of my 20 book goal this year.

I still haven’t found a dentist I love.

I let a few friendships fall off my radar this year, a natural result of growing babies and changing neighborhoods and complicated schedules. I like that these are universal excuses and I feel confident that these friendships haven’t suffered even a bit for the lack of time and energy put into them this year.

Looking Forward to 2016:

Not necessarily looking forward to reading more books, but to continue in my pursuit of reading good books. My 1st grader is beginning to dabble in chapter books and I’m giddy at the thought of the increased literacy in my house.

Connecting and re-connecting with some of the better women in my life. It never hurts my feelings when a cup of coffee ends with more than just a physical sense of satisfaction.

Trite and materialistic as it is going to sound, I look forward to starting the year with a plan for home and family maintenance. Last year I resolved to spend less time doing laundry by choosing two days a week in which the chore had to be started and fully finished before going to bed.

I fully accomplished my goal.

This year I have created a similar plan to maximize my OCD need for order while minimizing the time I put into it. I look forward to less clutter in every sense of the word.

Confessions, Parenting, Things We Do

Christmas Perspective

I hate the holidays.

I don’t hate the holidays.

I sort of hate the holidays.

Does that make me un-American? Un-Christian? The Grinch?

Can I get real with you guys for a second here? There is a ton of shit to do.

But what’s worse is: WE CREATED ALL THAT SHIT.

There was a time when John and I were pretty Charlie Brown about our Christmas and it truly didn’t bother us. But with each newer bigger dwelling, and each newer bigger child, we have accumulated a little bit more.

Maybe I’ve just accumulated newer bigger expectations.

Obviously I didn’t get it when I was a kid. I really did believe my mother loved every minute of Christmas decorating. I assumed she skipped down the aisles of Walmart or Target or whatever, happily throwing things into the cart for us with no thought about price tags or maintaining equality between the four kids. (And this was before Amazon PRIME! How did she do it?! No, really. How?)

My dad did a lot too, and I know for a fact that he does enjoy his role. He puts up Christmas lights because he likes them. He makes Christmas cookies because he enjoys it. He dresses like Santa and barges into neighbors houses without knocking because he gets an honest-to-God kick out of the silliness and spirit of it all. And while I’m sure he was happy to pick up anything my mom needed from Radio Shack on Christmas Eve, it is only now that I realize my mother was mission control behind the entire operation. (Birthdays too, let’s just say it.)

And that is fine.

It is.

Because we are stay at home mothers, and house management is our biggest responsibility behind keeping kids alive.

But seriously?

There is a ton of shit to do.

It starts about the week before Halloween and doesn’t really end until Valentine’s Day. It is driven by Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals. And it is further driven by social media – from “the Elves on the Shelves have returned!” to “Hiking for the perfect tree!” to “Such sweet moments, I swear she fell asleep like that and I just couldn’t wake her…”

And then it is even further driven from those taller-than-average corners insisting they are doing things differently, re-focusing their priorities, un-materializing, down-sizing, living in peace with completely humble children who experience (and voice) exactly zero desires, despite the inundation of material-holiday-noise hitting them daily. Kids who never complain about how they are the only kids who don’t have _________ in their entire class.

And I admit it. I compare myself. To all of it. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly.

And once in a while the comparisons get the better of me.

(Gasp.)

I know it has all been said, celebrated, liked, commented on, satirized, secretly whispered about in negative ways, and then publicly (and potentially distastefully) blasted on mom blogs all over the Internet.

I don’t want to join any bandwagons here. I just want to share my reality.

Reality number 1: I bought a “working” pre-lit Christmas tree off Craigslist one year for $20 and then spent the better part of a 4-day weekend cutting off all the lights that didn’t work. Because I wanted to get my money’s worth.

Reality number 2: I bought several tied garbage bags of “great condition” holiday wreaths from a friend of a friend last May and opened them for the first time on Monday morning. I spent more than an hour searching Google images and Pinterest, and studied no less than three of my neighbors houses as examples of exactly how to hang wreaths in the 8 front-facing windows of my house. What you see is a tidy display of modest holiday cheer. What you don’t see is the hour I spent attempting to tie bows out of red ribbon that all resembled one another, then, giving up (sweating and cursing) and taking wire clippers to ten different wreaths and declaring “no bows” to be more fashionable this year. (I further un-winded at 10:30am with a shot of whiskey and a hot glue gun and produced eight wreaths that now all appear to belong in the same family.)

Reality number 3: I carved the pumpkins from my porch and roasted the seeds this past Sunday while John got down our $20 tree and our one, 66-quart, latch box of Christmas decorations, which sat in the kids’ playroom, mostly untouched, until tonight, just before dinner.

Reality number 4: Every year I’ve added “just a small” string of lights to finish off the top, and every year I need another string of lights, because whatever we have from previous years somehow doesn’t make it all the way to the top of the tree two years in a row.

Reality number 5: Two entire sections of my 300-count string of LED lights doesn’t work, despite the box that says “If One Bulb Burns Out, the Others Stay Lit.”

Reality number 6: I put that string of lights on the tree, anyway.

Reality number 7: I laid out new Christmas PJ’s on each kid’s bed at 4:30 and told them we’d bathe before dinner and watch “Elf” while we ate. At 6:30, no one was bathed, only half of my dinner was even edible, Elf did not make it onto the TV, and more than half the family was screaming, crying, and/or throwing things at the table, including me.

So all I’m saying is, I need to not lose perspective this holiday season when it seems like everyone else is doing better than me.

Nobody has their shit together.

I’m not the only one who will have at least one very emotional fight with my spouse about something incredibly stupid in the next 25 days. Like food. Or wrapping paper.

And while I’d love to sign off this post with some quip driving home the point that Jesus is the reason for the season, I’m content, for now at least, to just do the best I can with what I’ve got. And what I’ve got is a handful of kids under the age of 9 who know Santa is a lie but still believe the Tooth Fairy might be real.

Onward and upward.

Parenting

5 Habits of Highly Effective Parents

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure here.

I am 33 years old and I have four kids currently under the age of 8. My husband and I were both college educated and career driven in our twenties, so arguably, we started our family much earlier than planned.

Perhaps it is because I was one of the first of my peer group to actually have children that I frequently find myself dispensing unsolicited parenting advice. Or, perhaps it is because despite their personalities, my children are all generally well-behaved in public.

Obviously I’m no expert, but here are a few tips that not only work for me, but work for others. When it comes to raising a family, I simply do not believe in hunkering down and pushing through unpleasant behavioral phases. “This too shall pass,” might be true, but if there’s any way to speed up that process, I’m all for it.

The following is my best baseline parenting advice. Though there isn’t necessarily one magic trick that changes all behavior, it turns out there are a few habits that help more than anything else.

1. Clean up Your Stuff

I’ve always been disorganized. It works for me. I mean, maybe others can’t find anything in my house, but I know where everything is.

Yes, okay, maybe this has been working for you. But walk into the classroom of any seasoned elementary school teacher, and what do you see? Toys, papers, crayons, and math manipulatives gathered into random piles and stuffed in corners? Cluttered countertops and drawers that won’t close? No. Anyone who has ever hoped to have any kind of success with kids and behavior on any sort of regular basis knows that all around basic cleanliness is key.

Kids thrive in order. This is not to say that many cannot adapt to disorder – obviously thousands are forced to do so every day. But the behavior battle is made infinitely easier when mom and dad start with a clean playing ground. This means your house, your kitchen, your kids’ rooms, your car, and maybe even your back yard, need to be tidy. And they need to start tidy every single day. Kids need to see that everything has a place, and at the end of a playing period, or the end of a day, it all goes back to where it came from.

Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. I promise you it matters.
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2. Make Bedtime a Priority

I don’t care how old your kids are, if they live at home, you can and should be in control of when they go to bed. Most experts agree that 8pm is a perfectly reasonable bedtime for kids under the age of 12. I would argue that kids under the age of 12 thrive on about ten hours of sleep.

Oh, my son has never been a big sleeper. He simply doesn’t need it.

Does your child have trouble staying focused in school? Does your child argue with you over doing reasonable household chores? Does your child need constant stimulation during his waking hours, or else he becomes bored and irritable? Is your child unable to entertain himself without the television or handheld electronics?

If you answered yes to any of the above, I would submit that your child might not in fact have the ADHD that many people have suggested you look into. In fact, my first suggestion would be to look at your child’s sleep habits. If they are irregular or if he is getting fewer than 10 hours of sleep a night, you might look into solving this issue before dispensing the Ritalin.

I don’t even need to go into the number of sleep studies that have proven how beneficial it is for humans to get a regular amount of sleep and to be on a regular sleep routine. We all know what lack

of sleep does to adults, including raising stress, increasing inability to focus, reducing immunity, and highly affecting weight gain. Well, all of these things are true for kids as well. But additionally, kids need sleep to grow. They need sleep for their brains to mature. They need sleep to regenerate muscles, fight sickness, and even sufficiently digest food.

In his book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, Marc Weissbluth suggests that an infant’s need for sleep is just as important and just as basic as her need for food and shelter. If your baby is hungry, feed her. If she is cold, make her warm. If she is wet or dirty, change her. And if she is tired, sleep her.

Right now, the number of ADHD diagnoses is off the charts. Fine. Blame the structure of public schools. Blame the pharmaceutical markets for pushing easy and cheap drugs (that seem to work). Blame food allergies and sugar and the hormones in milk and red dye #40. But how many doctors are blaming lack of sleep? How many parents are even considering insufficient sleep as part of the problem?

Again, disregard this advice if your kid goes to bed every night at a reasonable hour, gets an ample amount of sleep, and still has problems focusing in school. But if not, consider bumping back that bedtime, gradually if need be, until he’s falling asleep close to 8 o’clock, and see what happens.

3. Make Family Dinner a Priority

How many nights a week does your family sit down for a meal, at a table, at the same time, without any phones, TVs, or other distractions? According to a 2013 Gallup Poll, fifty-three percent of adults with children younger than 18 say their family eats dinner together, at home, six or seven nights a week. One author suggested this number is actually a positive number. But here’s what I see: only about half of American families are regularly sitting down for dinner together.

Further statistics have revealed an immense number of behavioral benefits that seem to be directly connected to regular family dinners. Among kids who regularly (meaning just two or more nights a week) sit down and have dinner as a family without electronic distractions, GPA’s are generally higher, high school graduation rate is higher, college attendance and scholarship money is higher, and kids moving out of parents house at a reasonable age is higher. Subsequently, drug and alcohol abuse, rate of teenage pregnancy, drop-out rates, depression and suicide rates, rates of childhood obesity and type 2 diabetes, and juvenile criminal activity is drastically reduced.

All of this by sitting down for dinner, together, a couple nights a week.

I want to scream, “It’s not that hard, people!” The truth is, I know that it is difficult for those who have never made it a priority. It is a habit change that will most definitely require some work on everyone’s part. But with such staggering statistics supporting such positive behavior patterns in teenagers, to me, it is a no brainer. Oh and by the way, if you start when your kids are little, the behavior results are equally as positive. Your children will develop habits of talking to you, for one thing. They will learn manners. They will learn healthy eating habits. They will generally be more pleasant in the presence of adults. And you, as a parent, will be infinitely more aware of what goes on in their little heads.

4. Teach, Model, and Reinforce Respect

I started using the words “respect” and “disrespect” with all of my children at a very early age. The fact is, these are current and popular buzzwords in the school system anyway, so why not make them buzzwords in the home as well. When it comes to respect in my house, I have the Big Three. Respect yourself, respect others, and respect belongings.

Respect has become the trump card in nearly all behavioral battles. So how do I do this?

For starters, my husband and I make our kids respond to us with “Yes, Mommy,” or “Yes, Daddy.”

This means anytime I give a direction in my house, my kids say Yes, Mommy. When I call for one of them from downstairs to upstairs, they do not respond with “What?!” they respond with “Yes, Mommy?” Even basic yes or no questions like “Do you want a peanut butter sandwich for lunch?” receives a “Yes, Mommy.”

I’m actually going to take a moment here and say that this is not the same thing as “Yes, Sir,” and “Yes, Ma’am,” and, that Yes, Sir and Yes, Ma’am are not as effective.

Here’s why. Yes, Sir and Yes, Ma’am are actually very common manners taught in the South. Almost all of my students used Yes, Ma’am regularly with me in the classroom. Almost all of the kids in my neighborhood respond to their fathers with Yes, Sir. And sure. It sounds very polite. It sounds very respectful. But what I’ve come to realize in the last ten years, is that it communicates respect exactly as often as it does not.

This is to say, it is a habitual response that many kids blurt out robotically, without thought, whether they respect the person they are speaking to or not. Sure, some very nice children use these phrases and sound very respectful when they do. But a lot of not-so-nice children use these phrases with just as much regularity as the nice kids. There’s really no visible difference. To me, sir and ma’am are titles of self-given authority. There is often a relational distance between the person using the word “Ma’am” and the person responding to it.

Teaching my children to say “Yes, Mommy” and “Yes, Daddy” is different, because to them, “Mommy” is my name. I’m not teaching them a response that can be used on everyone. I’m teaching them to acknowledge me personally when they respond to me. I’m teaching them to stop, to think, and to actively listen, then respectfully respond. In the classroom, I did not allow my students to say “Yes, Ma’am.” Instead, I taught them to respond with “Yes, Mrs. Wait.” And my own children respond the same way to other adults, addressing them by name rather than by label.

I call this the “Yes, Mommy,” card and I use it all the time. Yes, Mommy is an immediate argument stopper. “You do not get to ask why, you say yes, Mommy.” I do not engage my children in power-struggles, and I’ve found that quickest way to end them is to play the Yes, Mommy card.

5. Punish/Reward Attitudes, Not Behaviors

There is a point in every child’s life in which they can and must be treated like puppies. Simple commands like, Come, Sit, Good Boy, and Not a Toy, are perfectly acceptable modes of communication with children under the age of 3. Likewise, a physical redirection or even a swat on the hand or bottom is a very effective mode of enforcing physical boundaries with children under the age of 3.

And, please, don’t misread the metaphor. I’m operating under the assumption that I’m not talking here to Michael Vick.

Even if you are absolutely anti-spanking, I think if we were all completely honest with ourselves, we’d admit that when it comes to behavior, most humans have far more unconditional love and patience for bad behavior in a puppy than we we do in our own kids. Because when it comes to puppies, it is never personal.

Kids are similar. It often feels personal and is therefore difficult to be direct, simple, and still loving. It is difficult not to lose our ever-loving minds when we feel like we’ve been giving the same direction for three straight weeks.

It is hard to get mad at a puppy. This is what I’m advocating for.

When my children are nearing age 4 that I begin to transition from a focus on their behaviors to a focus on their attitudes.

Before I was a high school classroom teacher, I was a counselor at a behavioral wilderness camp for juvenile delinquent teens. It was there that I first experienced the kind of fear I would one day witness in many of my colleagues in the public school, and later many of my peers who were and are parents of teenagers.

The fear I’m talking about is, at its core, the fear of rebellious teenage behavior. It is a difficult behavior to describe because it manifests itself in so many different ways. Some teens become withdrawn and seem to be apathetic about everything. They aren’t doing anything specifically wrong or disruptive, but they aren’t seeking any achievement or striving to become better at anything.

Other teens become silently hostile, threatening to explode in a fit of rage at the drop of a hat. Teachers and parents sense a threatening air about them and walk on eggshells, hoping the mood will pass. Don’t say anything and no one gets hurt.

And some teens have made a habit of sneaking around and lying about all of the things they are doing and know they shouldn’t be. Parents may not be able to catch their child in the act despite knowing it is going on. These parents drive themselves mad with paranoia and consider locking their children in their rooms until they are 30.

Make no mistake, this kind of behavior is not actually limited to teens. Even my five year old has days where I can’t quite pinpoint a specific behavioral moment to stop and punish, but the entire day and the entire family seems to be controlled by her mood.

This is not okay.

Let me repeat: if your child has control over your behavior, something is wrong.

This is why I begin the habit of punishing and rewarding attitudes as early as four years old. In my house, it is completely common to stop my child in the middle of seemingly nothing and say, “I don’t know what is wrong, but you are communicating anger, hurt, and disrespect with everything you do. You can either talk about what is bothering you, or you can go sit in your room until you are ready to talk, but you will not control the family with your bad mood today.”

There’s that word again, disrespect.

I refuse to let my children assert a power need over the entire family that stems from a feeling of hurt, anger, inequality, or disrespect.

Attacking the attitude, rather than waiting for the attitude to manifest itself in an outward display immediately accomplishes two things. First, it shows the child in question that I am not only in control, but that I’m aware of what is going on despite the lack of immediate or obvious problems. Second (and possibly most important), it communicates to all my other children that I am in control and therefore provides emotional security in the house.

And in case you need to hear this, emotional security for the entire family is imperative to your success as a parent. Emotional security in my classroom was imperative to my success as a teacher, and don’t for one minute think I didn’t call out my students on these attitudes as soon as they popped up.

The beautiful thing is that once the elephant in the room has been identified, it is much easier to deal with him. Feelings are often resolved very quickly, and the entire atmosphere changes from something that was once negatively charged, to something that feels safe and secure again.

Mark my words. 4 year olds absolutely understand the word “attitude” and can be taught what is appropriate. And when things are good, instead of saying “Good job cleaning up all by yourself,” I try to compliment their helpful attitudes. I might say, “I’ve noticed you are doing all of your jobs in the morning quickly and without arguing, but I’ve also noticed throughout the day that you have a very helpful attitude. I love and appreciate your helpful attitude. Thank you for respecting me and Daddy and our rules.”

Your Thoughts

When it comes to dealing with bad behavior in children, many parents are looking for creative discipline ideas. And though I believe punishment certainly has its place in child-raising, I’ve come to realize the majority of my success comes much more from the pre-emptive strike and setting myself (and my children) up for success. Like I said (over and over), I’m not an expert, but these 5 habits have truly revolutionized my approach to parenting. Please comment below with your thoughts or questions, and feel free to share!

Confessions, Parenting

Perfect Pancakes

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure here.

The Perfect Pancake Recipe

If last winter was the season for hearty muffins, I’ve declared this winter to be the season of the hearty pancake. As a mother of four (and one a baby who I am still breastfeeding), mornings are no time to mess around with low blood sugar–theirs or mine.

The thing I love about pancakes is that you can make a huge batch all at once, store them in the fridge or freezer, then pop them in the toaster for a quick and delicious breakfast. It helps that my husband, who grew up on a farm, still has a functioning sugar house back at home. My in-laws keep us stocked year round with homemade 100% pure Michigan maple syrup.

If you are like me though, a breakfast of Bisquick pancakes topped in liquid sugar (and maybe a strawberry or two) only leaves you feeling headachy, hungry, and foggy, less than two hours into your morning.

That is why I have been on the search to create the perfect pancake. One that is actually hearty, healthy, and still delicious.

There are hundreds of recipes available for hearty pancakes, but this is one I created by simply playing with different ingredients. I needed something heavier than an all-white flour base, included a little bit of protein, but still sweet enough to trick my children into loving it.

I think I have finally created the perfect pancake.

[su_box title=”Ingredients” style=”default” box_color=”#333333″ title_color=”#FFFFFF” radius=”3″ class=””]

1c. flour, white or whole wheat
1c. non-wheat flour (almond, oatmeal, amaranth)
1/2 – 1c. rolled oats
1t. baking powder
1t. baking soda
up to 1/2c. sugar (white or brown), optional
2c. milk (reg, soy, almond, etc), (more or less for desired consistency)
2T. oil (veg, canola, olive, coconut, whatever)
1 egg
1t. vanilla extract, optional
dash salt, optional[/su_box]

Instructions

In a large bowl, combine dry ingredients. Mix well. In a separate bowl (or a large glass measuring cup, if you are like me) combine wet ingredients. Mix well.
Gently stir wet and dry ingredients together. Do not over-stir. Scoop or pour batter onto a 400 degree non-stick or well oiled griddle. Brown on both sides.
Serve immediately, or let cool on a flat surface before storing in the refrigerator or freezer for a quick breakfast on a busy morning.

Help, My Toddler is a Picky Eater!

How many of us have dealt with a baby who suddenly refuses life giving breastmilk or formula, but then refuses to eat anything but Cheerios? Just me?

So here’s my secret. This pancake base is perfect for mixing basically anything else into. The result is quick, ready-made, handheld, toddler food. I’ve basically blended leftover everything and put it into pancakes and called it a meal for my 1 year old. Mashed bananas? Check. Cooked squash, carrots, corn, even broccoli? Check. Spaghetti and meat sauce? Check.

Note: we tried leftover salmon just once. It has, so far, been the only one that was rejected.

You might have to adjust the liquid to figure out the perfect consistency, but in all, these pancakes still come out hearty, yummy, fluffy, and delicious. It helps here that I have a good blender, but as your child can chew more, you can leave some things chunkier and it still works great.

Boost Your Pancakes with Super Foods

Whether these pancakes are for you or for your kids, the beauty of this recipe is that it is a great base for a great batter, but it is completely versatile. You can play with extra ingredients (pre-cooking) and see what you like. I’ve added random healthy ingredients to these and though the result is always a little different, it has always continued to be yummy.

You may have to vary cooking times or heat (or liquid or flour amounts) in order to end with normal pancake consistency. I’ve found this is a great way to get my kids to eat more veggies, add a little vitamins and energy, and use up leftovers or abundant garden bounty in the summer. Each of the following additions (not all at once) has had an equally favorable result:

[su_box title=”Optional Add Ins” style=”default” box_color=”#333333″ title_color=”#FFFFFF” radius=”3″ class=””]

ground flax seed (1/2c.)
wheat germ (1/2c.)
1-4T. brewer’s yeast (if you are breastfeeding)
chopped nuts
dark chocolate chips
blueberries
Craisins, raisins, or other dried fruit
1-2 bananas, overripe and blended with the milk
1 medium zucchini squash: blended or finely chopped
1/2c. – 1c. pre-cooked acorn or butternut squash
1/2c. pumpkin puree (this is one that makes the batter VERY moist and requires more baking powder and a little extra flour)
cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, vanilla (mix your spices to compliment your add-ins)[/su_box]

Brewer’s Yeast comes in a canister and is usually found in the vitamin section of a place like Whole Foods, or can be ordered off the Internet. It is a secret and very powerful ingredient, that adds tons of vitamins and minerals, and, for the breastfeeding mom, aids in milk production. It is a powder and has a nutty flavor. I store mine in the refrigerator.
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Flax seeds can be found whole or pre-ground. I buy mine whole (they come in a bag) and grind them in a coffee grinder. Flax seeds are an excellent source of fiber and omega 3 fatty acids. I don’t actually notice a major flavor difference with or without the flax seeds but some people complain they taste fishy. I store mine, again, in the fridge, if that helps.

I love these pancakes topped with seasonal fruit, like peaches and blueberries, but they are also great smeared with just about any nut butter and topped with cut up bananas. In the heat of summer, they make an excellent alternative to baking muffins in a hot oven.

Draw shapes with this pancake dispenser, if you’re into that sort of thing.

30 Day Book Challenge, Books, Not-Irrational Fear, Other People, Parenting

Book 8: Book that Scares You

The Attachment Parenting Book by William and Martha Sears

Bracing myself for backlash, argument, possibly even anger.

For the record, let me say that I have not actually read this book and I ~~probably~~ never will. The concept of “Attachment Parenting” as a parenting philosophy, by itself, isn’t what scares me. In fact, of the eight principles which define it, there are actually a couple I agree with.

The book itself isn’t scary. The ideas presented in the book are not, at face value, terribly unhealthy. What scares me is the growing group of extremist attachment parents, who cite this book (and many others, like it) almost scripturally, as the foundation for their non-confrontational style of parenting. What I’m seeing, through observation and experience, is households where the line between grown up and child does not exist. Households where the children are in complete control, of everything, from eating and sleeping schedule, to food choice, to who’s in charge. What I see is tired mothers. Physically and emotionally worn out women, who wake up every morning wondering if today will be a good day or a bad day, as if such a concept is completely out of their control. Many of these mothers have put their own lives on hold because they cannot perform simple tasks, like showering or grocery shopping, if their children are awake.

Simply put, Attachment Parenting, taken to an extreme, has taken the authority and control out of the hands of moms and dads and put it in the children.

People. This is scary.

I subscribe to the parenting philosophy that it is my job to provide physical, emotional, and yes, dare I say it, schedule boundaries for my children. I do not believe my child instinctively knows what is best and healthiest for her (trust me, both my kids would pick candy and TV over every other option, including a lifetime of unconditional love, if the choice presented itself). I believe there is an age when it is actually counter-productive and unhealthy to immediately respond to crying. And, I admit, my marriage would severely suffer if John and I shared our bed with our daughters. But that’s just me.

When my daughters were infants (and even a little older), I even adhered to many of the eight basic principles of Attachment Parenting. This is pretty obvious, infants can’t do anything for themselves, except suck, and many of them come out having trouble with that. What I’m seeing is an increase in mothers who, by the time their children are three…four…nine years old, complain of “control issues,” “constant temper tantrums,” “he won’t eat anything but cheese,” or “bedtime is a nightmare,” and the resounding battle cry, for all of them, is, “Please tell me it’s just a phase, and this too shall pass!”

There has to be balance. And boundaries.

Dear mothers: do you let your friends hit you in the face when they are angry? Do you let your husband yell over you when you are trying to have a conversation with another adult? Then why do you let your three year olds do this? Will you continue to rock him to sleep, or, sleep on the floor of his room when he is in high school because it soothes him? Then why do it for your five year old?

As a high school teacher who might be back in the classroom about the time most of these preschool kids are 9th graders, this scares me. I believe that Attachment Parenting, in the wrong hands, will raise a generation of adults who are unable to think and act independently, let alone make decisions that take into consideration their place in society as a whole.

I know for a fact that I have offended someone today. As a quick disclaimer, I want to say this: Attachment Parenting is not for me. Maybe it is the best choice for some. Perhaps, as with Mother Theresa, when patience and love overflow at a sainthood level, Attachment Parenting can work at an exclusive level. I even believe that it is possible for children of prudent attachment parents to turn out well-adjusted, well-behaved, and generally pleasant to be around. I’m just skeptical of extremes, and even more skeptical of parenting trends that come with their own support groups.